An Arduous Process

Sigh. I have been overeating too much, and I haven't been weighing myself everyday.  I really think that I need to weigh myself every day, because if I don't, weight is pushed to the back of my mind and I eat a bit too much. So! I need to start weighing myself every day. I did all right since my last post, but I ate a lot on Tuesday. :( I'm still 155 lbs. Ugh. I need to keep trying! I'll update you when I weigh myself tomorrow.
I'm going back and re-reading articles about intermittent fasting, and I read a few first hand accounts from people who are doing a bit of what I'm doing. It's making sense again. Health, of course, makes the most sense, but I know that I can't lose weight without intermittent fasting. I don't have an eating disorder and I'm not being unhealthy. These things are making sense again. ^_^

Also, I went to Denny's today with a friend of mine...and we had a very long conversation over coffee. He said to me, totally randomly, (don't roll your eyes!) that his main number one turn off is lack of self- confidence. Which turned into a two hour long conversation about who we like, what we like, who has self-confidence, blah blah blah...I learned a lot of lessons from that and I want to write them down before I forget. Everybody needs self-confidence. Every body should be confident...not when you're 10 pounds lighter, or when you change your hair color, or three sizes smaller. If you don't have self-confidence now, you won't have self-confidence then.
Believe me, self confidence is attractive, and that's coming from somebody who needs some of herself. I find self-confidence in girls to be very attractive, and girls who act like they don't want to be touched just. turn. me. off. So, I need to learn that, and remember it...
Recovery from Body Dysmorphic Disorder is such an arduous process. Some days are worse than others. But I need to keep fighting.

Feel like a pig. God. Saturday I ate a bit over 2000 calories, felt like a cow...next day, sunday, I ate maybe 1300 calories. So far today I've eaten 500 calories and I want to end the day at 800 calories, but who the hell knows?

I ate more than 2,000 yesterday, I'm sure. I went out to eat with my niece and my sister-in-law, and we ordered a dessert...and that dessert was high in cals. I also ate 2 bread sticks and some pasta, plus everything else i had eaten that day. Today, ate 500 calories. Tomorrow...idk. I'll try to aim for 1200.

found this beautiful bike at Wal-Mart- yeah, Wal-Mart. So classy. 90 dollars.
I made a deal with myself. If I lose five lbs. I'll buy the bike for myself. I don't care how I lose it, just as long as I lose it.

I didn't do well today. Ended at about 1400 calories, no exercise. I'm fucking exhausted. I'm going to do some leg lifts and sit ups before bed, but will that really help? I don't know...
I know I've lost weight before. I've done it before and I can do it again. I just want to get back down to 150 lbs. at least...
I think I'm going to start keeping a pen-and paper journal again.
I'm trying again tomorrow. Wish me luck...I'm exhausted. Did I mention that?

*breathes*
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm back. I'm back. I'm sick of this. I've gained a few lbs, and I need to lose it. I can't do the South Beach Diet- the groceries are excessive and expensive, and I can't follow their plans. I'm doing what I did a few months ago, when I lost the 10 lbs. I've tried to not do that, I know it's not healthy, but i need to. It's the only way I can lose the weight that I gained. It's the only thing I can do right now, and seems to be the only way I can lose weight. So I'm back! I'm back to the community and I'm back to restricting. It's a relief, actually, because eating normally just makes me feel disgusting and I've been depressed. I already feel better. :P I'm so excited.
Making plans ahead of time just doesn't seem to work for me, because I feel too restricted, and all the times I've made plans in the past have failed. I need to feel some freedom, dammit! :D But I know that I will be eating under 900 cals today! That's what worked in the past, so why would I try to change what worked? Talk to you guys later.

Sunday- 1200 calories Weight- 157 lbs

Monday- 1500 calories Weight- 155 lbs.

Tuesday- 700 calories Weight- N/A

Wednesday- 2000 calories Weight- N/A

Well, I'm 156 lbs. :( Ugh. 6 lbs...gross...
I'm going to restrict again for a couple of weeks to lose weight. Let's hope it works.

Haven't been on in a while, but I thought I'd drop a line.
I haven't been able to lose any weight, getting sort of frustrated. But I HAVE been eating a bit too much ice cream so....I guess I just have to eat stricter to lose a few lbs.
Things are getting sort of crazy. Galen and I got in a fight the other day, and we almost broke up...emphasis on almost. But he's still too far away from me, and I don't get to see him. Ever. Fuck.
There's a girl I'm interested in too. Her name is bailey, and she's very fun. And I want to have fun. But I don't want to hurt her, because I don't really want a relationship....I just want somebody to hang out with, make out with, cuddle with...I guess a friends-with-benefits relationship. :P I somehow don't think Galen will agree with this. Bailey is friends with my friends who are friends with Galen...so Galen will certainly find out from somebody if Bailey doesn't keep her mouth shut. Ahh...well....

South Beach Diet and 153 lbs.

153 lbs. Bleh. That's alright since the other day I was 155 lbs...so I guess 153 is good. I've officially started Phase 1 of the south beach diet, and I'm already glad that I signed up for it online. I already feel grateful for the support that the website gives, even though I haven't even been on the diet for one day. I can't wait to see the weight loss...hopefully, with a little bit of structure and support, the weight will come off this time around!
Also, I've started taking a fat burning supplement- it's just caffiene and ephedra, so it doesn't seem that awful.

SIGGGGGHHHH! Well, ladies. I've been eating 2,000 calories a day and exercising. You know, being normal. It's okay...I gained a  few lbs., unfortunately, and now I'm 155 lbs! Dammit! BUT it's okay, because this has happened before and I always lost it. I'm really good at maintaining my weight.
Well, I decided to join the South Beach Diet. I keep thinking that I should just go back to fasting, but...I have to resist that urge because I know it isn't healthy. That could lead me down a very, very bad path. Check out my South Beach Diet Profile at http://www.southbeachdiet.com/profile/I_Will_Lose_It.