Siggggh well, I'm okay. My weight a few days ago was 154 lbs...:( God dammit. I'm so bothered by that. But, the other day, I was sick- which is awful, but I lost 3 lbs in a day! 151 lbs. That's alright...I'm going to have to keep fighting, though, to get under 150. I won't give up. I will keep trying. It's not fair that I can't lose weight as easily as other people but...oh well. I'll just keep trying. I can do it!

Well, yesterday went really great...Until I went out to dinner for my sisters birthday. I ate two salads, coffee, 1/2 a fried banana, 1/3 a slice of chocolate cake, and 3 bites of crem brûlée. That's okay, certainly much better than I could have done, but it still brought my calorie total to about 1300/1500 calories. :( oh well.

- Posted from the outside world.

Well, after about a week of "normal" eating last week, I over-ate a bit on thursday, friday, and saturday....I was hanging out with my friends, and we all know what a downfall friends can be. I'm certain that I gained a few lbs., but I refuse to weigh myself...not yet! Yesterday, I ate about 900/1000 calories, and I'm hoping for about 600 calories today. I want to make up for the mistakes I've made in the last few days, and I want to get past 150 lbs. It's been a real struggle for me. For some reason, my body just doesn't want to get below 150...either it just holds onto the weight like a bitch, or my appetite spikes. Ech! I hate it! Anyway, hopefully I can get below 150 lbs soon, if I stick to things. Wish me luck~

Ugh. Finished the day at 2,200 calories, exercised for an hour and 45 minutes on the stationary bike...that's alright...not unhealthy, I guess. Blegh. Doing a very low-cal day tomorrow though.


- Posted from the outside world.

Bleh

Well! Hello everybody!
Ech. 151 lbs. That's alright, but...It's the same exact weight I've been for awhile now. I can't seem to break through 151. Of course, it hasn't exactly helped that I didn't fast AT ALL this week! I just didn't feel much like it, so I've been eating 1200-1800 calories this week, plus 1 hour exercise...well, that certainly isn't unhealthy. But I do wish that I could have fasted for even one day. I'm sure I could've lost some weight. Anyway...I guess, I'll be fasting tomorrow then. :| My plan is 2,000 calories today, +1 hour of exercise on the crosstrainer, and +1 hour of exercise on the bike. That'll be more than a thousand calories burned...and tomorrow, a 0 calorie day consisting of coffee, water, and perhaps some diet soda if I need it. Wish me luck.

Well. I haven't been fasting very well recently. My last "fast" was 1200 calories, which is alright...but not a fast! I'm aiming for 500 calories today, but of course I'll probably end up at 800. :D It's hard for me to fast, of course, I'm human. I just have to keep going and hoping that I will break through 150 lbs....I can't wait for the day I'm 149 lbs.

Well, things sort of suck. For some reason, on friday, I got really depressed; and I binged. I don't know exactly how many calories I ate, but I estimated it at about 3000 calories. Three thousand calories! That's TWO days worth of food. Wow. That's sort of fucked up. The next day, I meant to fast down to 500 calories; but I felt still felt depressed... I ate three poptarts for breakfast and a banana. Ugh! I didn't eat for the rest of the day, so that was 800 calories.
Good news, however, is that my weight hasn't changed that much. I was 150.4 Friday morning, binged, was 151.4 yesterday morning, and was 150.4 this morning again. Whew. I'm starting my week off at 150 lbs, just as planned. So hopefully I can lose two pounds this week and be 148 next week! Keep your fingers crossed, ladies!

Hello everybody! My weight as of this morning? 150.4 lbs! That wasn't a typo! 150.4. Isn't that fantastic? Also, everybody else seems to think that I've lost even more weight because I look more "toned." Which is awesome because that means that I'm gaining muscle- which I assumed anyway. I'm glad that I've broken through my mini-plateau. That's 2 lbs lost this week, 2 lbs lost last week, probably just of water weight. But that's so real to me, because when I lose the water weight, it shows what my weight actually is, you know? Anyway, my plan for today is this- 400 calories for breakfast, (done) 100 calories for a snack, 500 calories for lunch and 500 calories for dinner. 1 Hour of exercise. I think I may go hiking, because I haven't been in so long...but idk, maybe.

- Posted from the outside world.

Well! Here is my new blog- http://kamikazephantom1310.xanga.com/
It's about body acceptance, but I will also be talking about my desires to lose weight on this blog, too. I can't exactly talk about my weight loss on a blog about self-acceptance, can I?
151.8 lbs. I was so happy! I mean, obviously that's not awesome, since I've been lower before, but considering that yesterday I was 154 lbs, 151.8 is pretty damn good. I'm fasting today (Well, at least partially- I ate a banana and two salads) and took my vyvanse to help me with that. I've set my "fasting" days to twice a week- thursdays and tuesdays, or Mondays and Wednesdays if I have Thursdays and Tuesdays lunch, with a 2,000 calorie day separating them. I've been exercising for an hour nearly every day for the last couple of weeks, as well, sometimes for 30 minutes on fasting days. Damn weight loss is so difficult. I can't weight until I get below 150 again. Anyway, my weigh-in tomorrow will hopefully show a weight drop- maybe I'll be 150! Wish me luck, ladies.


I've also had a lot of luck with my self-image issues, as well. I am turning my thoughts around. I don't mean to offend anybody, but now, when I hear somebody talk about how they want their BMI to be 17 or something, instead of saying "Me too, that would be great," I think "Wow, I wish they could see that they are worth something even if they don't weigh 90 lbs."
I'm still a little obsessed with my weight, yeah. But I'm getting better. I love all of you girls, even if you don't know me, and I hope that you can find a little bit of self-esteem today. You are ALL gorgeous, beautiful, perfect, and awesome JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

P.S. Galen is pretty much the best fucking thing ever.
But now, I have a peruvian exchange student who is in love with me, as well. He's not exactly in love with me but...I made the mistake of going to lunch with him a few days ago, and he likes me...a lot. I feel bad. I told Galen about him, and then had to explain to Galen that I didn't want anybody else but him. It was a long debacle...I feel bad for the Peruvian, because he really is an nice person, and I would like to have him as a friend, but I know that he would just hurt so badly being around me but not being able to have me.
Anyway...it's a long story. But at least now I have established that Galen and I only have eyes for each other.

The Perfect Size

I'm fasting today to cleanse my system from the binge yesterday. :D
My blog has been slowly evolving into more of a body-acceptance blog, I've noticed, and I changed the name. I'm also going to start posting daily affirmations that will hopefully make you guys feel a little bit better about your bodies, if even for just a minute.

You are the perfect size, whatever size you are. You're perfect already.

I've been binging all day. I don't feel awesome, but whatever...who gives a fucking fuck. Fuck it. I'm just going to enjoy the fucking binge day and make up for it tomorrow and the week following. Today is a new day.