Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Binge. :C

I binged pretty hard-core yesterday. I don't know what is wrong with me...I've been binging so much lately. I still lost some weight, but I need to stop doing this. Yesterday, I had to stay home from school. Being alone at home is a binge-trigger for me...I don't have any body there to watch me eat, so I just eat. It's irritating. I need to stop doing that, because if I binge every time I'm alone, I will be binging all the time. Yesterday, I at 1/2 a large bag of cheetoes, bagel chips, then went out with my mom fish and chips from Long John Silvers (Yum! My favorite!) and a large chocolate milk shake. It was delicious.
I'm glad that I got that, even thought it was very high calorie. I hadn't had something so high calorie in so long, it was so satisfying. But I definitely couldn't do that often.
I'm pretty much not eating anything today. Yeah, yeah I know that it's bad for me, but I simply cannot bring myself to eat much today. I just feel so bad for eating such a high calorie dinner yesterday after having a string of binges, I have to fast for a little bit, to get myself under control. I think today, I've had like...125 calories today. Don't go lecturing me about fasting, alright, because I really feel disgusting right now and I need it. I'm back to 156. Whenever I take 1 step foward, I take two steps back...I think that if this Amber bitch wasn't living with me, i wouldn't binge so often. She brings so much shit into this house...cookies, pizzas, popsicles, bagel chips, caramel, kit-kats, etc. etc. etc. I don't WANT this tempting stuff in my house. It is SHIT and it's making me PISSED OFF. You are a grown-ass woman, and you still haven't figured out healthy eating habits? SERIOUSLY? Whatever...
Anyway, some of it lays on me because I should have enough self control to not binge. But as bad as the food is for you, it's even more DELICIOUS. This bitch is ruining my diet! Wah! :C
I am currently calculating my calories, and I was so right: I consumed more than two days worth of calories, not including the chocolate milk shake which I have yet to find nutritional information for.

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