TWO, count them, TWO PANT SIZES!

I. Am. So. Happy!
Recently, I've lost more weight, right? And I was really thrilled about fitting in my size 12 jeans. Well, my size 12's were too big for me, so I figured they were old and stretched out. This morning I grabbed a pair of jeans I found in a basket left over from moving, assuming they were size 12's and slipped right into them. They fit me perfectly. Before I left, I decided to check the size because I couldn't remember buying jeans of that style in a 12...and they were size 10's! So I dropped 2 pant sizes! :-DDDDD!
Anyway...today I sort of fell of the wagon a bit. I allowed myself 1500 calories today, because I was at a friends birthday celebration, and sort of ate ice cream...technically, it was her birthday ice cream from the waiters at the restaurant, but she didn't want it and throwing away perfectly good food really annoys me. I probably shouldn't have eaten it, but it was delicious...
Tomorrow, I'm back on track towards my goal of 132 lbs! I've maid so much success, it'd be such a shame to put the weight back on.

Oh my god! I am happy!!! :-DDDDD!
I was really, really excited when I fit into size 12 jeans. I mean, I was happy that I had dropped a size. But the 12's were too big for me, so I figured they were old and stretched out. Well, I grabbed a pair of jeans I found in a laundry basket left over from

156!

I am happy to report that my low weight this week is closer to 155 than 160. :D!! I'm getting closer to my goal...
I've heard so many women complain about the scale and be very hostile towards it. But even when the scale tells me that I've gained weight, it's my friend. It's helping me on my weight loss journey, and in the end, I like the scale. I don't like not knowing...
The only thing I have to say, however, is I wish that the dash marks were further apart. And I want a digital scale!

I finished "Fat Girl" and I've started reading "Wasted." I hope it's good...
I read the books that anorexics like to read, I read their blogs, I look at their 'thispirational' pictures, I go to their websites. It's really quite disturbing. I'm not anorexic, obviously, but I submerge myself in their lifestyle. What is so sickly fascinating about it?, I wonder to myself often.
I have no idea. It just is.
Later...
I weighed myself earlier today, and I'm back down to 158. :
I keep thinking about all the things I used to eat...and my most recent failures, like when I over ate at Cici's, etc. etc. I'm ashamed of it and I promise myself it won't happen again, but I know that it will. But still, I'm down to 158 lbs. I need to forgive myself for those binges and stop being ashamed of my mistakes.

What is it like to live in that house?

I'm reading a book called "Fat Girl." It's really quite depressing, and it makes me feel glad that I didn't have a bad childhood like Judith Moore did. It's not about her losing weight or anything; it's like a memior, all about her obsession with food, her love of food, and the ramifications of that love. All of that. Next I'm going to read "Wasted." It's about a girl with anorexia, to say the very least. I have a strange obsession with bulimia and anorexia, especially the people afflicted by it. I like reading their blogs, and watching movies about them, and I would really like to talk to one about their anorexia. I don't even want to try to heal them; I just want to talk to them about it. I always want to talk to people about their weird things. One of my close friends has an extremely messy house, and I've actually asked her, "What is it like to live in that house?"

FitessGram.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn.
I had the FitnessGram today. If you don't know what that is, that's where the school takes you out of your classes so you can humiliate yourself in front of everybody and they can tell you that you are fat and out of shape. It's basically gym class. According to their scale, 163 lbs.
Ugh. That is 2 lbs. more than I weighed at the FitnessGram Last year. At first, this was a huge blow to my self esteem and I almost said "Fuck it," but after mulling it over for a while, I decided that it wasn't so terrible, because;
1) At least I haven't had any significant weight gain.
2) I know that at some point between this time last year and this time this year I ballooned to 170-175 lbs. (what can I say? I wasn't dedicated enough...)
So, really, I'm doing great. I'm back down to 1,000 calories a day, because I'm not really able to excercise, with one day a week of 1500 calories. I'm reading "Fat Girl" by Judith Moore and damn, is it making me hungry. I think for my 1500 calorie day this week I will be having a cheeseburger for lunch...

First Follower!

I have my first follower! Terrific...
Anyway, I'm going to get to what I wanted to blog about. Is it bad that I feel superior to everybody else when I go out to eat with people?
Why do I even need to ask? Of course it's bad...but oh well. What am I supposed to do, eat like a fat ass? My mother told me was dedicated to losing weight...yeah, she's really made a lot of dedication. *rolls eyes* Yeah, she orders relatively healthy meals at restaurants, but she eats the entire plate. She does realize that she's consuming 1,000 calories right there, right? It's annoying how she's completely oblivious even though I've told her thousands of times. She drinks 1/2+ bottles of wine a day, skips breakfast and sometimes lunch and drenches her dinner in olive oil, butter, and carbs. She thinks she is eating healthy because the things she eats are allegedly good for you, but she eats them at such an excess...I'm sure she tells her doctor "But...but...I'm eating healthy!" with these big eyes and a trembling lips, and he decreases her estrogen and increases something else when, really, she's not eating healthy at all. I'm around her all the time, so I know about all of her eating habits. And I use them as an an example of what not to do.

I'm back, after I don't know how long, I don't count. My weight is currently fluctuating between 158/ 160, you know the regular. I'm eating 1500 calories on the weekends and 1000 calories during the week. I don't really have time to excercise, but I'm positive that walking around my campus does something. So yeah. That's it.