Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Binge. :C

I binged pretty hard-core yesterday. I don't know what is wrong with me...I've been binging so much lately. I still lost some weight, but I need to stop doing this. Yesterday, I had to stay home from school. Being alone at home is a binge-trigger for me...I don't have any body there to watch me eat, so I just eat. It's irritating. I need to stop doing that, because if I binge every time I'm alone, I will be binging all the time. Yesterday, I at 1/2 a large bag of cheetoes, bagel chips, then went out with my mom fish and chips from Long John Silvers (Yum! My favorite!) and a large chocolate milk shake. It was delicious.
I'm glad that I got that, even thought it was very high calorie. I hadn't had something so high calorie in so long, it was so satisfying. But I definitely couldn't do that often.
I'm pretty much not eating anything today. Yeah, yeah I know that it's bad for me, but I simply cannot bring myself to eat much today. I just feel so bad for eating such a high calorie dinner yesterday after having a string of binges, I have to fast for a little bit, to get myself under control. I think today, I've had like...125 calories today. Don't go lecturing me about fasting, alright, because I really feel disgusting right now and I need it. I'm back to 156. Whenever I take 1 step foward, I take two steps back...I think that if this Amber bitch wasn't living with me, i wouldn't binge so often. She brings so much shit into this house...cookies, pizzas, popsicles, bagel chips, caramel, kit-kats, etc. etc. etc. I don't WANT this tempting stuff in my house. It is SHIT and it's making me PISSED OFF. You are a grown-ass woman, and you still haven't figured out healthy eating habits? SERIOUSLY? Whatever...
Anyway, some of it lays on me because I should have enough self control to not binge. But as bad as the food is for you, it's even more DELICIOUS. This bitch is ruining my diet! Wah! :C
I am currently calculating my calories, and I was so right: I consumed more than two days worth of calories, not including the chocolate milk shake which I have yet to find nutritional information for.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Okay, this is crazy. I binged 3 times this week, and some how, I weigh 154 lbs. ...wtf?! How did I lose weight? I'm losing weight TOO quickly, I think. I need to stabilize my eating (I've been doing a little bit of binging and fasting this month...) and slow down my weight loss.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Okay. Today, I'm not binging. NO MATTER WHAT. I'm not buying snacks at the movie theater. I am going back on my healthy eating right away. According to the scale this morning, I am 160 lbs.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Ugh, I've been eating soo much this weekend! Ugh...hanging out with friends, you know? And it's impossible to stop until the next day! God dammit...
I need to stop this. Ever since I made it to 156, I've been binging because I've been telling myself "Well, you've binged before and you still lost weight!" But before, when I binged, I wasn't binging for a week! I really have to stop telling myself that. I can't binge and lose weight at the same time. I can't beat myself up if I have the occasional binge, but I can't do it all the fucking time. And I can't binge on the weekends. And I can't binge on holidays because "It's the holidays!!" No. No bien!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Times like these makes me wish I believed in God.

Okay, well, I'm pretty stressed right now. I have an Algebra test tomorrow, and lost my algebra notes. I even went in today at lunch to get it straightened out, and totally got it...but fuck my absent mind. I really hate it.
Physics is a bitch, too. I really just need to pay more attention... I feel like crying, to be quite honest.
To top it all off, yesterday, I had a pretty big binge. I hadn't eaten all day, because I was STUPID and thought that, since I had over eaten the day before, I should fast. Yeah, you know what happens when you try to fast. Once one morsel of food passes your lips, you go crazy because your brain realizes that THERE'S FOOD! THE FAMINE IS OVER! And thus...I ate chicken, a baked potato, broccoli for my dinner. Then, I went crazy...I ate two bomb pops and another something-pop, then grahm cracker cookies and nilla wafers...and then a bag of cheetos, then some other cheetoes, and lays potato chips. I finished it all off with a diet soda (which was disgusting, I hate soda, but I drank it anyway.) And ate another popsicle before going to bed. I felt like shit. I still feel like shit. And all of this after I stress-binged on Monday by consuming nilla wafers and grahm cookies. (Gotta love those cookies.)
Damn, I had better be getting my period soon or something, because THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
Well, I'm back on track. I've decided that I will not fast to make up for over eating-ever! Fasting just makes things worse. No, the next time I over eat, I'm going to forgive myself and MOVE ON WITH THE DIET. God, I cannot wait until this week is over. I'm going to sleep all weekend.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Ugggh I feel like crap. Either I'm bloated or just fat, but I can't fit into my other size 10 jeans. Just this one slightly stretched out pair.
Fuck it, whatever.
I tried on my 11's and they fit me, except for on my hips. Of course. I can never fit in even sizes because those are for juniors, and my body is too...not junior-y. Anyway, yesterday I sort of over ate again, unfortunetly. Damn.