Friday, September 24, 2010

Ugh. Bad day.
Boys are so stupid. A bunch of them were giggling about my tits was so humiliating. I was wearing a t-shirt. A LARGE t-shirt. Seriously,..they're so immature.
On top of that, I've been overeating like crazy. I wouldn't say I've been BINGING, but let's just say that I've consumed at least 900 calories over. Ugh. I'm going to have to reaaaaallly watch myself. I really hope that I'm going to start my cycle soon, because that will explain my lack of self control. Stupid girl-ness...
And on top of that, I feel like such an awful person. My overweight friend has been struggling with her weight for longer than I have, with even less success than I. She's 5'7", 186-190 lbs. I love her, but whenever she says "OMG I'VE LOST WEIGHT!" I get a pang of...what? Jealousy? No. I'm not jealous (obviously, she weighs almost 50 lbs more than me.) but it's like...I don't WANT her to succeed, you know? Ugh. I know that sounds awful, but it's the truth. I'm the ugly duckling; I'm the formally awkward turned pretty one. I'm the health-crazed, curvy, sexy, hips and tits and curly hair one, not her! She's the fat awkward one! I know it is so awful and I know I am a bad friend. I feel terrible. I feel a sick sense of pleasure when she says "Ive gained weight..."
I guess I feel that way because, her boyfriend lives in town. She's been dating him for 8 mos and they just recently got to 2nd base. She gets to see him all the time. I never get to see Galen, and I have to sit there and listen to her talk about her bf with an air of superiority because she's "more experienced." So it's easier for me to say, "no. Fuck her. She's fat. She's not better than me."
Mean. But true.

- Posted from the outside world.

1 comment:

  1. That's not mean at all & that doesn't mean your a bad best friend, I honestly just think it's human nature to some degree. I get the same with my friends at home. When one of them mentions they've lost weight, I pretend to be happy about it on the outside, but on the inside I'm like, "Crap! She's going to lose a lot of weight, be so much skinnier than me, and then so much prettier than me! I'll end up being the ugly best friend!"

    Then when one of my friends back home (I say back home because I haven't made that many friends in my new town yet- I'm really shy ^.^) mentions they're going to go exercise, I make sure to do more exercise that day. It's like I'm competitive or something- it's almost like I have to "beat" them at weight loss, exercise, and eating!

    I also feel that sick sense of pleasure when one mentions they've gained weight or I look at a new facebook picture they've uploaded and I see how much bigger they've gotten. It makes me happy in a way to know that they're getting bigger while I'm (trying) to get smaller.

    So no, you're not weird at all =)

    Most guys I've seen are immature. I don't get their sense of humor at all. Boobs aren't funny and I'll never understand why guys are so obsessed with them! ><