I went to my Psychiatrist this morning and I mentioned that I had lost 15 lbs since starting school. She said, "Your weight looks absolutely perfect right now. It's not good to be overweight, but you're at a normal, healthy weight." I thought, BULL. SHIT. I still have PLENTY. I almost wanted to stand up and grab my belly, my arms, my legs, and go, 'the fuck are you fucking talking about?" She just doesn't want me to relapse into my eating disorder so she tells me I'm the perfect weight even though I'm barely normal weight.
Later on, my friend Meg saw my weight on a form and said "hey, we almost weigh the same! I weigh 140." Bullshit. I pulled out the tape measure and I was 1-3 inches bigger than her in places. She said, 'See? We're practically the same size.' Bullshit. 1-3 inches bigger means we are NOT the same size.
She has more muscle than me because she used to be athletic; that's how she can look so much smaller and we still weigh the same.
I put on my size 8 jeans and they seem a bit saggy on me...but I'm still too big. I just have a flat butt (trust me, it's flat as fuck) and that's the only way I can be a size eight. 145 pounds and smaller than a size eight? Bullshit.
If I get to 135 lbs and I'm still not happy, then I'll freak. BUT I'm god damn 145 lbs.! I don't have to fucking worry about it!
My body can handle being hit by a car, it can handle a little weight loss.
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