Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I Give Up

Crocheting. :)

I'm giving myself up to this yearning. 
I'm giving myself up to this. 
This this burning desire inside of me, this voice that is me but is not quite me, that I've been struggling with. 
Forcing it down. 
Over eating, like a pig, just to prove that I won't listen. 
But I'm giving myself up. To it, to her, to whatever it is. 
I'm not unhappy with this epiphany. It actually makes me very happy. It comforts me. it makes me feel good, knowing that soon My body will be different. My body will be the way I want it to be. 
My body, and my mind. 
My mind, my eating disorder. 
My control. 
My happiness. 
My comfort. 

I've been working on a book for the last few days. I've been gluing inspiring pictures into a blank notebook and excercises. Things like yoga, pilates, stuff like that. :D 

Part of me wishes I never went down this road. Part of me wishes I'd never stumbled across 'pro-ana' sites. I was young. I was stupid. 
but at the same time, I'm glad I did. 

More crocheting. (making a baby blanket for my sister in law. It's a girl!)

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