Friday, August 21, 2009

According to my mother, the world is a supermodel.

Hey. I'm taking a little break from reading The Grapes of Wrath to write this. As fantastic as the book is, after reading all day, my brain is tired of reading the words. I've finished about half of it in two days...:( I planned on reading 10 chapters a day so that I can have 2 days to write the essay, but some of the chapters are waaaay longer than others. I read 10 one day, then only seven yesterday. Chapter 20 is a long-ass chapter, it's like a book in and of itself. Then I have TWO two page essays to write, double spaced thank god. I started one but got stuck. Anyway, I'm done with my week long "metabolism stabalizing"diet, and I couldn't be happier. I felt like I was gaining weight although I was only eating 1500 calories. Well, I'm back to 1200 calories. Here's what I've eaten today so far;
Honey Nut Cheerios w/ milk (of course [150 calories])
1/4 cup milk (25 calories)
1/2 cup milk (50 calories)
Egg salad (165 calories)
Piece of toast (120 calories)
Fritos (160 calories)
Mid-day snack;
1 cup cherries w/ pits (74 calories)
1 Special K Strawberry Bar (90 calories)
1 can of black beans (385 calories)
1 slice Veggie Slices cheese (35 calories)
Bedtime Snack;
3 Tablespoons Ground Beef Stirfry
1/2 cup baby carrots
1 tsp hummus.

Yeah, I've had three cups of coffee today...
I've noticed that my mother always comments on how pretty my friencds are to me. A lot of my friends are "the pretty one." When I talk about them she says, "Oh, is that the pretty one?"or "I remember her, she was pretty." She talks about my sister in law the same way, to, always talks about her and how perfect she is, how skinny she is, how she can eat anything and still be skinny and beautiful, how long and luxurious her eyelashes are, and how beautiful she is.
Now, I don't mean to brood here, but I've also noticed that she never talks about me that way. She's never told me that I was pretty; she once told me that I was actually "Okay looking." But she talks about my sister in law with almost wistfulness. One of these days I'm going to ask her if she would like to adopt her as her own daughter. How come all of my friends are "pretty" but I'm just okay?
Well, I guess I think the same way now. I look at the pictures of all of my friends, and they are all pretty to me. Prettier than I.
Well, I'm okay-looking. Sometimes. I guess that's all I can hope for. It'd be nice to hear I'm pretty, but that's not the most important thing. Anyway, I sure as hell won't hear it from my mother.

So, if you've noticed, I had a bed time snack today, which I don't usually eat. I was really hungry for some's probably because I ate only beans for dinner. (What? I was reading The Grapes of Wrath all day and it made me crave them.) Well, the hunger got to be a little bit distracting, and that's where the game begins. I go downstairs to find out my mother has made this delicious meaty concoction using our leftovers, and I grab a tablespoon and shovel a spoonfull down and...oh, my god, it was delicious. It was so meaty and juicy...and it had beans and veggies in it...all of my favorite things! However, I ate only three tablespoons of that deliciousness too sooth my hunger pains, like medicine, and then scooped the rest into a tupperware for lunch tomorrow. Then, into the fridge to grab some baby carrots and hummus to completely rid myself of hunger. I can't wait until I'm down to 132, when I can eat 1500 calories a day. My meals are divvied up so oddly to fit in 1200 calories...180 calories for breakfast on average, about 400 for lunch, then 180 calories for my mid-day snack and the rest goes to dinner. I think I should switch the calories around for my lunch and breakfast, because I always get hungry in the mid morning. My mid-day snack and my lunch are awfully close together, too...Yeah, I should eat 300 calories for breakfast and 280 calories for lunch, I think. Now I just have to figure out some lunch meals to fit into the 280 calorie quota!
Bye, bye.

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