Today is my nieces birthday party! Yippee...I'll get out of the house, at least, and have a lot of fun, at best. I skipped breakfast to get ahead. I know, they all say not to skip out on breakfast, but seriously...there's going to be pizza, cake, and not to mention all the movie food. I'm thinking that it's safe to say I won't need any extra calories. Now I just need to find the self control not to pig out...teehee. I'm sure I will, I'm starting to develop some pretty good self control.
I woke up early this morning although I didn't want to. I love doing things I don't want to do...is that weird? It doesn't make any sense. I just love working against myself, against my body...my body told me that it was tired, but I drug myself out of bed anyway and didn't return. Albeit, it seems slightly self destructive.
I made myself my coffee and watched a program about the universe, completely awed at how fucking smart these people are. Then, I took a shower and put my hair in braids while they dry. If I didn't do that, my hair would completely explode all over the place in a frizz bomb...you should have seen me before I figured this trick out!
Later...
Oh my god, oh my god. This is the most brilliant moment...my weight now officially begins with the numbers 1 and 5! I have been waiting for this moment for months...nothing tastes as good as this does. That sounds so ana, but it's true. I've worked so hard and fallen off of the wagon so many times, and almost given up, but it's so worth it when I see the results on the scale. I stepped on the scale, feeling a bit self destructive, and totally expected to see the red needle of death pointing to 162 since I've felt so naughty lately, but I saw 160. I was a teensy bit dissapointed, since that's what I had weighed the last weigh-in, but so glad that I could see that low weight again. I kept getting off and on to be absolutely sure, and then I noticed that the needle wasn't properly calibrated, meaning it wasn't pointing to zero, it was pointing to about 2. So, I zeroed it in, and got back on...and almost cried. 158. Sweet jesus, I know it's not great, but it feels great. I had been worried that I was plateauing, since my weight always stayed at around 160, 162. But it seems to me that if I do a bit of caloric confusion (I eat slightly more calories than I normally do) my metabolism actually speeds up. Haha, and to think that I discovered this by accident! Then again, I do have to remind myself that for the last 3 or so days, I haven't been working out like usual...so I might of lost a bit of muscle weight, too. Oh, fuck it, just let me be happy that I lost weight! You have no idea how glad I am that my weight is in the 150's, even just 158. It'll be so fucking great when I'm down to 155...then 152...then 150....ooh, god, I feel like my goal is in reach for the first time since I started! I will deserve the pizza, cake, and movie food I plan on consuming today.
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