Thursday, July 29, 2010

Things are really...swirly...right now. That's the only word I could use to describe it, swirly. Everythings blended together between real life and sleepy time and everynow and then I'll have my moments of lucidity but then I'll be half asleep's because of the drugs they gave me. I feel like a robot. I'm doing everything myself but I'm pratically asleep as i'm doing those things. I'm not eating much. Today I ate 250 calories, that was about as little as I could get away with eating with my mom watching me. I'm apologizing to my body as I write this, because I know it needs more to heal, but it can get the nutrients it needs from my fat rolls, can't it? I'm so proud of my little body...I'm so proud of how hard it's working for me, and how it hardly ever complains to me about hunger...I'm really blessed to have this strong body, and it's not it's fault that I got hit by a car and everything got fucked up. It's doing the best it can...I'm so proud of it...I want to make my body look the way it deserves to look. :) I think I'm going to do the "100 calorie" thing...I'm hesitant about calling it a diet, because most people think diets are temporary. I don't want to completely starve my body of everything it loves, though, and don't want to be "anorexic..." I just want to be clean, and thin, and unlike so many obese people I know! I've changed my mind a lot through the years but this plan is the only one that has actually gotten me RESULTS! I eat little tiny meals, everything under 100 calories...and I've been doing this for a while and it WORKS. (I know it sounds totally obvious, I probably sound like such a fucking retard.)
My collarbones and neck tendons are starting to become more visible. I'm happy. :) I can SORT of see the outlines of my ribs when I lift my arms up...:O Maybe someday I'll be able to see more...I feel really clean and pure eating this way, and maybe I'll have lost a teensy bit more weight by tomorrow? TMI, but some personal things haven't been happening for me since the surgeries...that cause me to hold onto some weight...and I've taken a laxative that should work by tomorrow morning. :) Wish me luck! Or not, I don't care.
okay, I need to get off before somebody takes the internet away from me.

Today I ate-
Pineapple (40 calories)
1/2 cup of tea (0 calories)

1 piece of whole wheat toast (90 calories)
1/3 cup egg whites (30 calories)
Pineapple (40)

Chocolate (My friends brought them, the sweethearts) (73 calories)
A few wasabi peas (30 calories)

1/2 cup Homemade Chicken Veggie Soup (70 calories)
3 crackers (30 calories)
1/2 cup raspberries (32 calories)

(Okay...this is where it got bad. My mom made a bunch of food for dinner, and she wanted me to eat it. She had worked very hard. :( I don't know exact measurements)
1/2 cup pasta (100 calories)
Olive Oil (90 calories)
Chicken (90 calories)
Lettuce (20 calories)

About 800 calories total...just like yesterday. :)

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