Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I hate my life.
151 lbs.

- Posted from the outside world.

Sigh. 151. I hate that god damn number! Did I somehow magically gain two lbs. over night? How? Why? I used the restroom before I weighed myself...maybe I'm retaining water? UGH. WHATEVER. THIS IS GHEY.
This morning, for breakfast, I ate-
1 light honey wheat bread slice (45 calories)
Walden Farms Apple Butter (0 calories)
Glass of water (0 calories.)

I'm not going to eat lunch, but I'll have to eat dinner. Wish me luck, ladies.

(Thanks to Ariana for your comment. You're right, it was healthy, but I guess I retained some water weight. : /)

(P.S.- I remember when 151 was good. I remember when I was like "If I only I was 150 lbs., I'd be happier. And then I could be 141, and 131.
But 151 is just a fat number to me now.)

Oh damn. I found the left over sushi from last night. And now I'm eating it. Of course.
I can't stand wasting food. It's only four rolls...I don't think that's a it? Four avocado rolls isn't awful, right? I can't throw it away. I just can't.

The cupcakes are still sitting there. And the icing. I don't want it.
I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't.
I don't want it.
The only reason my body is telling me I want it is because it's sugar! Fat and sugar. Fat and sugar. My body LIKES fat and sugar. Everyones does. It's in our biology. But guess what? I'm not going to eat it. Because I don't need it. I don't need it. I don't. I already ate sushi and toast. I'm not hungry. I don't need it.

Okay, this post is confusing. Anyway! I'm doing better. I did really well today, actually! I ate a teensy bit of the icing- 1 teaspoon- and then I STOPPED. I'm so proud of myself! I stopped. No more icing! I didn't eat a cupcake- I don't even want one any more. I realized through the day that I don't NEED the cupcake. I don't. Once I get over the initial want for the sugar and fat, I really don't want it any more. I ate a chocolate granola bar for lunch (140 calories- I needed something chocolatey!) and then, for dinner (we went to an all you can eat buffet) I ate-
1/4 cup rice noodles
5 pieces of broccoli
2 pieces of sushi
1/2 cup jello
9 grapes
3 mandarin orange slices
3 peach slices
3 pineapple chunks.

My estimates are about 600 calories all in all.
:D Let's see what the scale says tomorrow...

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