Saturday, September 11, 2010

Whew. 149.0 lbs. Not great but better than 153.

- Posted from the outside world.

On an unrealated note...don't you guys just hate family sometimes? They have this uncanny ability to make you feel awful. As you all probably know, I've been working very hard not only to lose weight but also to raise my self esteem. I've been trying to stop thinking "I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat." Well, the other day at dinner, my mom decides to bring up the subject of me getting a personal trainer. And then my brother had to jump in. And his girlfriend. I felt like they were talking to me like I was 200 lbs and they were concerned for my health. This coming from my mom, who is 200 lbs. herself. And then his girlfriend, who is actually very sweet, starts giving me dieting tips. Really? I know all of the facts, sweet heart. I have FORGOTTEN more about nutrition than you know. If they knew how I've been losing weight, they wouldn't be saying this to me. Oh, I don't think so.
And then my mother has the audacity to say, "She was always so slim! And then she was in a car accident..." I mean COME ON. I'm sorry I'm not 113 lbs. any more, mom. I'm sorry that I have brought great shame to the family. I'm sorry I'm not skinny, I'm sorry that I got fucking brain damage, I'm sorry that I have hypothyroidism, and I'm sorry I'm not your perfect size 2 little girl any more. I'm sorry I'm not constantly starving myself like my best friend. My mom always groups me with her, always says stuff like "LOL SHE HARDLY EATS ANYTHING LOL WE WOULD NEVAR DO THAT RIGHT?!" like we're both bbw's or something. Fuck that. She's 50 lbs. over weight. I'm 5 lbs. over weight.
So I've decided that I will NOT talk to my mom about my weight any more. I'm going to act like I'm a size fucking 0. She probably won't stop treating me like I'm 200 lbs. like her, but you know what, fuck that. I don't care.

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