Weight Fluctuations.

Bleh. I'm back to 160 lbs. I'm disappointed. Why do body's have to be so retarded? Seriously...it's fucking ghey. I understand all about weight fluctuations, but they still drive me absolutely CRAZY. I think all I can hope for is 157, even 158 by the party. :( Maybe I'll be smaller tomorrow morning...anyway, my stomach has started feeling much better, so I think that I should eat more today. I had a poptart this morning, as well as the fudge- that breakfast is very poor in quality, but hey, I wanted it. My lunch will be better. :)
Only two more days until I go to the Operation Homefront headquarters! I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon the next day. Scar revision, yah know. I'm going to ask about a bit of a tummy tuck, which will be VERY DIFFICULT with this big ass scar going from my bust to my pelvic bone. (Hell yeah, I have huge scars, you have a problem with that?)
ON TOP of that, I have an appointment with my dermatologist the next day. Sigh...I'm going to have to explain to him about the dermatillomania. I'm worried that he's going to be all "OMFG YOUR SKIN IS SO FUCKING GROSS," even though I know that my skin really isn't that bad, just a couple of little things. I always worry about dumb shit like that. *rolls eyes*

Bitching about my Weight.

Well, yesterday was the 4 July, the day on which the entirety of America displays our love for everything loud, big, and shiny. Oh, and food.
I went to the local theme park with the fam, which was okay. The theme park is sort of boring to me now. I mean, honestly, it all gets pretty old after the FOURTY MILLIONTH TIME you go..."Oh look I'm going upside down now..." Sigh. It's all the same fricking thing.
So, I mostly did walking and standing, walking and standing, which burns a lot of calories, fortunately for moi. I had roasted corn (good), a small veggie spring roll (good) and a cheeseburger (bad. Very bad.) I asked for the cheeseburger without the actual burger but...they put it on anyway. #1- My family doesn't know I'm vegetarian, because they would get angry (rolls eyes) and #2- If I had taken it back, they would have just thrown it in the garbage bin without a thought, and that would have been worse than had I just eaten it. So, I ate it. All approximately 350/400 calories of it. Which is okay.Maybe it was a little more than I would have liked, but hey...whatever. I got some fudge, per tradition, but I didn't eat it last night. I was feeling pretty nauseated from the meat I ate, to be quite honest. I ate the fudge this morning...feeling a bit guilty, but it's okay. A few of the calorie calculators I looked at said that there was only 70 calories in it, which I know is total bullshit- so I'm estimating more like 140 calories, minimum. That's probably all I'm going to be eating today. My stomach hasn't been feeling bueno lately.
I've yet to weigh myself this morning, but I'll get around to it eventually, after I, of course, drink this tea and use the restroom. My two BFF's birthday party is a week, followed by a vacation to the coast, and I really would like to be 155 by then. I know that'll probably be impossible, but a girl can dream, right? I'd really be happy just to be 157. I'll probably be able to drop a few pounds on vacation, too. Anyway, I'm sorry this post has been such a bore. Hasta Luego!

New weight! Yay!

Straight up, allow my to say that I am now 159.4 lbs.! Whoooop.

Now, this may not last for long, as last year I hit 159 lbs and of course, gained some weight back, but that was before I was being treated for Hypothyroidism. So hah.

I have my goal weight of 150 lbs by the end of the summer, and I'm sure I'll be able to hit it. I don't think that I will gain it all back, because I am already a healthy eater- I've even had a couple of people accuse me of having an Eating Disorder (of course, they didn't understand the gravity of that term -unlike most "dieters" who go right back to eating whatever they want after they lose all the weight. That's one of the main downfalls of weight loss. One has to learn how to eat healthy and take care of themselves, rather than just "starve starve starve!" to lose the weight quickly, then "eat eat eat!" and gain it all back with in a couple of months. I am, fortunately, well educated in the field of nutrition, although my unpleasantly high weight doesn't reflect it. (Fuck you, HPT.)

Bleh!

Okay-dokay! Allow me to comment on my following of Pro-Ana blogs.
I do not agree with what these girls do, or what the promote. I don't think that they should starve themselves and claim to be 'pro-ana' like it's a good thing. You girls understand what "pro" means, right? It is a prefix which shares a base word with "promote." I know you will argue with me, and I know you say you don't promote anorexia, but quite frankly, that is the idea that many people get. That you are "promoting ana." That you believe that people can choose it, and not only that, but choose it for their benefit.
HOWEVER. I do not hate these girls. I enjoy reading their blogs, I do not think they are retarded, and I figure, it's their choice
I DO NOT HAVE AN ED. I am a 160 lb. girl afflicted with Hypothyroidism, and yes, at times, I do fast. And yes, I do weigh myself often. And yes, I hate myself for being fat. But I want everybody to understand that I do not have an eating disorder.

INNYWHO! (After I finish talking about how I don't have an eating disorder...) I ate about...*thinks* 300 calories today? It's hard to keep track, because my mom made a potato dish for dinner with the family, and of course I had to eat some of it. The vyvanse, though...It absolutely KILLED my appetite. Anyway, there yah go. I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning. DONE BITCHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT!

My friend gets to come with me to the coast next week, for about 1-2 weeks. :D I'm excited! I fucking LOVE this girl with all my heart and soul, but she moved to a town two hours away from me, so I haven't been able to see her in forever. After that, plastic surgery, and hopefully, more weight loss. (150 lbs. before school starts? Please? That's not so terrible, only 10 lbs.) Operation Homefront next week too, which should be fun.
In related news...My sister TOTALLY disagrees with me getting an apartment, the dumb bitch. She thinks I'm an idiot teenager. I wanted to say to her, "Perdón? What the hell were YOU doing when you were my age? Doing crack?" (Seriously. She's jealous that I have my shit together. When she was 17, she'd already had one abortion and started doing crystal.) Whatever. Fuck her. I'll be eighteen soon, anyway, and then I can make my own decision.

I went to a nature park yesterday with my niece- it was a lot of fun. :) In unrelated news, I'm going to the Operation Homefront Headquarters on the seventh. I'm crossing my fingers!
This is going to be short, but I'm fasting today. I haven't really been eating much lately, due to my Vyvanse, but I figured I may as well go all out and fast. Well. I'm done.

Well, Operation Homefront has accepted my application. They'll be contacting me today about ways I can volunteer. I'm hoping that, rather than do specialized work, since I can't do car repair, appliance repair, and I have no furniture to donate, I can instead just help some Army Wives with work around the house, children, etc...but, I'll talk to the manager about it. Anyway, I've been looking at apartments in my old town, where my high school is at. So far I have found...nada. Fuck the world. -____- the town is so expensive. There are flats upwards of 500-2000 dollars a WEEK. Uh...I can't afford that. I can't even afford 500. 400, maybe. All I really want is one room and a bathroom. I don't even need a kitchen...just enough space for a television, fridge and a microwave...is that too much to ask for? Apparently, yeah. Ugh. Whatever.

blah blah blah

I just spoke to my brother today. He's in the Navy, by the way. He tried to hack it in college, but he couldn't get himself together. :/ So, the cliche misfit young adult thing to do, since the "run away to the circus" plan didn't work, was join the military! Yeah!
He had some good advice, though. He wants me to attend at least one year of college before joining the Peace Corps...but...I don't know. I don't see how it would make much of a difference. A four year college degree is a recommended qualification, but I do not want to attend four years of college before joining. So I know that no matter what, I will end up going into the Peace Corps whether I attend college for one year first or not. : / But we shall see. It's a catch 22, or as my mother always says (seriously, ALWAYS.) "It's six one way, half a dozen the other!" I can actually hear her voice in my head right now.
Anyway, onto more immediate plans...
I have signed up for "Operation Homefront," against my brothers wishes. He's actually pretty anti-American. The hell? That makes so much sense, hate America but join the Navy...And anyway, I'm not even doing it because it's "ameracun." I'm interested in it because first of all, it isn't associated with a church, and second of all, it HELPS PEOPLE IN NEED. I don't give a flying fuck if it's connected to the military.
Trying to find some other shit to do before my surgeries at the end of next month. That's going to hurt like a bitch, so I can't do much after wards. (Fuck my life...) Trying to find jobs, things to do, people to see, bleh bleh bleh, but It's hard to find things in Texas that aren't all about Jesus.
Seriously, people, can we please get off the whole Jesus thing? It's so 1800's. Let us all move on, as a society. Religion is seriously fucking everything up. And get off your high horse about the "it makes you a better person!!!" shit. If you're a good person, you're a good person. It has no dependency on your religion...except, if you have a religion, you might pretend to be a good person because hell scares the shit out of you. I know plenty of atheists who are very concerned for others, including myself. And in turn, I know plenty of Christians who don't give a rats ass about others. So there.

Volunteering.

Two posts in one day. :D I'm just so excited that I've started writing about something other than losing weight. I am still 160, by the way, but at least now I know why.
Well, I am thinking about joining the Peace Corps after high school. I have already looked up all of the information, and it looks perfect for me. The website described a volunteer as somebody who is "patient, flexible, and kind," and who wants to "help others and connect with other cultures." Which is a pretty good description of me- at least, the new me! I have been smiling so much more recently and I've been much more social and caring- in fact, a couple of my friends joke around that I am their mom because I've become so concerned with their well being. It just seems to me that I would be perfect for the Corps. Plus, that's just one more experience to say I had!
Done with that chatter about what's going to happen a year from now- I'm more concerned with what will happen a month from now. I want to go to the gulf to help clean animals who got screwed over in the spill. I'm not sure if they will let me, since I am only seventeen, but I am still trying to find a group or an organization that I can sign up with. Even if I can't go all the way to Florida, Louisiana, or any of those other states, I can still help out here in the city I'm in- I'm looking up the women's shelter and Habitat for Humanity to find some stuff to do over the summer. On top of that, I'm getting scar revision and I'm going to Portland to check out my college! Whew! Busy summer. But I think that in the end, it'll be worth it.
Anyway, farewell. Knowing me I'll probably be writing another entry not to long from now. :D

I am so ready!

Okay, my one follower, a lot of shit has gone down since I last wrote. I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism (secondary, for those who know their lingo.) Which explains the weight, the misery, the fatigue, everything! I started my hormones approximately one week ago, and I already see a huge improvement. That just goes to show, don't ignore symptoms and don't let doctors blow you off!
Anyway, I'm turning this blog from weight loss to something more important; My life. Now that I'm not depressed, I have already made many plans for the future.
I'm going into senior year of high school, and I am also hoping to get a job at Walgreens after school. Why Walgreens? Well, I've thought about it. Walgreens has always been there, for as long as I can remember. When my grandmother was dying and cussing my mom out, there was a Walgreens down the street to provide cheap, good food and products. When I got into wearing make up, the first place I went was Walgreens. When I was in a car accident, my mom would go to Walgreens all the time to get things. It's a very strange thing to be nostalgic about. But Walgreens is always there, never changing. The clean lineoleum flooring, the mirrors along the back end of the wall, the rows and rows of products...it's so homey, eh? all in a tiny little store, almost like a family owned establishment...that has a bit of a funny pharmaceutical odor... On top of all that, you are on your feet your whole shift, so that is a DEFINITE PLUS for me!
So, job, school...now home! We are moving back into the house I lived in when I first moved to this city, but we are remodeling it, so it is going to be completely different. Unfortunately, that is out of my school district, so I am planning on renting an apartment in the district so I can go there with my senior class. So, I'll have a job, a car, and an apartment! Awesome! I'm so ready for life.
Don't you love us hopeful young folk?

I'm at a standstill of 160 lbs. A couple of days ago, I was 159.2 but that was only for a bit. I've been exercising and moving around all the time, so hopefully that'll have an effect. I'm riding the bike, too, so hopefully I'll see the effects in a couple of days.

Lost 1 lb. :D I went from 161.6 to 160.0. I'm doing some abdominal pilates every morning and every night as well as exercising on the bike and at the gym.